Back to the Old Bump and Grind... Menu Plan Restart

After a couple weeks of sickness and getting our house together while being "quarantined", I am ready to get back to a good routine. For us, a good routine always starts with a menu plan and good home-cooked meals. (Check out my other blog... :) )

This week, we will be focusing on using up some cooked chicken. There will be quite a few chicken dishes but that won't kill us. :)

Sunday, June 30th
Treat of Tim Horton's
Pizza
Cheesy beef and rice, salad

Monday, July 1st
Smoothies, fruit
Sandwiches and pretzels
MIL's birthday dinner

Tuesday, July 2nd
Yoghurt, fruit
Spaghetti, garlic biscuits
Chili, salad, corn bread

Wednesday, July 3rd
Breakfast cookies, fruit
Cheese, crackers, fruit
Three cheese garlic pasta, peas, salad

Thursday, July 4th
Easy breakfast casserole, yoghurt
Re-runs
4th of July festivities

Friday, July 5th
Toast, fruit
Hot dogs, chips
Chicken enchiladas, refried beans

Saturday, July 6th
Pancakes, breakfast meat
Re-runs
Chicken Divan, salad

Goodness! I feel so much better already! Who would have thought a simple menu plan would take the weight of the world (or at least a bit) off my shoulders?!

Peaches - Friend and Fruit

I have this friend. I have never met her. She is a rock star. Somehow, she always knows just what I need to hear.

Things have stunk around here lately. After weeks of a really sick boy, we finally found out Dylan has pertussis. He is miserable. I am tired and miserable. Miserable times.

Life must go on. I know this sounds silly but peaches had to go on. Peaches were on sale and needed preserved.

I am tired. I have the can't help its. I haven't had a good night's sleep in weeks but in my mind, I see a chance at saving money, being frugal, making healthy foods and stocking up for winter dancing through my mind.

So what did I do? I went and got peaches.

 Erg! What was I thinking?! Half way through, I was sitting here, resenting those stupid peaches. So MAD at those stupid peaches. Ridiculous, huh?

Enter Laura's post about her house. Laura has a house. Laura has an awesome house but sometimes, Laura doesn't like her house. Laura changes her thinking and sees it as a blessing. Laura recognizes and is thankful for her blessings and in turn, reminds me to look at my blessings and be thankful.

Peaches. I am so tired of peaches. However, let's break this down...

We had money to buy peaches. We have jars, pectin, lids, rings, lemon juice, sugar and all the kitchen tools needed to make the jam and put on the peaches. I am alive to make peaches. I have kids to eat peaches. I have a husband that makes such an approving taste of the peaches. In the winter, we will have fresh peaches.

I am blessed. Blessed by peaches. Not just the fruit peaches but the peach of a friend and sister of Christ. Thanks, Laura! <3 p="">
Coming soon, I will share how I preserved those peaches! :)

And again...

Lately I have been reading a lot of Christian Living/Homemaking/Parenting books. And here I sit. Depressed as can be. I know the purpose is to show me that others are going through the same trials and can overcome it. Yet here I sit overwhelmed tired. Feeling like a failure. A big fat mommy failure.

Not enough patience.

Not enough energy.

Just plain tired.

I hate to say I need a break but I do. I know it's selfish... and again, the guilt continues.

I used to use this blog as an outlet. Now I avoid it. I yearn to be transparent but fear I will be seen as a negative Nelly.

Frustration again.

Where do I turn?

Anyone out there dealing with this as well?

A Work in Progress

I have been up for hours.

I have been thinking for hours.

There have been many situations that presented themselves this weekend. Situations in which I made the wrong choices. Situations in which I let my insecurities and the devil interfere in what I should have done.

I have been beating myself up for hours about how I made choices in which I am not proud. But I know just as the insecurities that are flooding me right now, this unmerciful beating I am giving myself is not from the Lord.

I sought His forgiveness and once again, He delivered. It is I that cannot forgive myself. As I sit here and delve into His word, I am comforted that He knows me.

Yes there are many things I need to work on. I yearn to love others as He loves me and them. I yearn to show compassion and understanding. I yearn to reach out and comfort.

Though I am not prone to those feelings, with His help and guidance I can bring them to fruit. But the key is to not beat myself up when I fail. I will continue pressing ahead.

So.... Next time....

When a hurting heart is before me, instead of listening to the thoughts others have placed in my head, I will reach out.

When my kids are rowdy and not listening, I will choose grace and love.

When a mama reaches out and tries to get to know me, I will pull out a chair and welcome her instead of being scared.

When a friend isn't who I thought they were and hurts me, I will continue to love them and try to get to know them.

I will smile more.

I will look people in the eyes when they talk to me instead of being nervous and look away.

I will try to hug more.

I will be more patient with myself and my husband.

I will reach out.

I will worry less about what others think of me and if they like me and instead will be more concerned if He is seen in me.

I will focus on my relationship with the Lord, my marriage, raising little souls for Him and our haven before I concern myself with outside affairs.

I will do my best and let the rest go.

I will stop beating myself up.

I will see myself as the daughter of the Most High King.

I am His...

Mind Swirling, Purging on you & IPKWs

What a title!!

Goodness. I am about to purge a whole bunch of thoughts and feelings and ramblings on you. I'm pretty sure that if you continue reading, you might have wished you had clicked the "x" at the top right corner. ..

Where to begin?

Let's just be completely transparent and dive in. Many of noticed my mood. My funk. My yuckiness. My lack of initiative. My lack of it all. All but the couch and the TV. I don't know if you can say that I have been battling the waves of depression or if I'm just tired and recovering.

I have been a hot mess. A hot mess I tell you.

Let's begin with the journey our family began at the beginning of the new year. We, after YEARS of prayer and God-searching, left the only church that any of us had ever known. We had researched, watched sermons and prayed over churches for months. We knew the one God was calling us to try. We have really enjoyed it but...

It has been a struggle.

Much more than I had ever thought. It has opened sores, past hurts, insecuities and questions in myself that I had never known existed. It's made me examine.

It has been extremely hard to go to a place where people have to get to know you. Where people aren't just family and where people like you to like you, not because you're related or they wiped your bottom.

It has been equally as hard to let people get to know you when you don't know you. I don't know who I am anymore. I don't know what's important to me. It's so hard to step out of your family's faith and stand on your own two faith feet. It's been painful. Painful especially when you see such disappointment in their eyes. It tears me up.

Let me take you back to the moment when I realized JUST how important this decision and many decisions I am making are...

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December 14th, 2012 at 12:13 - I catch a quick glance of the news. Why is the news on? It's never on. I don't like my children to hear the news.

Wait. A school shooting?! What is going on?!

For the next hours, I hold my babies and glance out the window waiting for Dylan to get home from school. It had been hours of excruciation. I had been fighting the urge to go and grab him from the school and yell with all the hurt in my heart for those families... "I can't trust you! My child is safe NO WHERE but with me!". I didn't. It was hard. And honestly, it was only the Lord that kept me from making a fool of myself and upsetting my child.

Over the next few days my mind was a whirl with questions. How can I keep my babies safe?! How can I keep them from harm? Should I bring them back home to be schooled? Should I allow them to ride with anyone but me and Andy? Should I put bars on the windows of our home?

After days and days of the questions, only one answer resounded....

I couldn't.

There was nothing I could do to protect them against everything. Nothing.

Honestly, it was the scariest, most humbling realization. It hurt. A lot.

The only thing I could do was make sure they were being fed every spirititual fruit available. Make sure that no matter what happened here on Earth, their hearts and souls and lives were the Lord's.

Now, that task felt more daunting and overwhelming than protecting them frome everything.

I am a disappointment. I am a screw up. I mess up all the time. How could God give these little hearts to me?! WHAT was He thinking? He most not be perfect because that was a HUGE mistake. There was NO way I could prepare these precious hearts for eternity with Jesus. I cannot even seem to keep my own together.
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For well over a month, I have been fighting these feelings and many others. I have been fighting the lack of love for myself and others. The mass disappointment I feel for myself. The questions for the Lord. I have been fighting.

I am tired.

I have been praying and searching.

This morning, I went to take a shower and next to the bath tub was my favorite book EVER. I picked up the book and began reading.

How good God is to have sent an angel to place that book right in my sight this morning!

As I read this book, I realized. I am NOT perfect but I am HIS. I will not be able to reach my children without Him. He knew just what He was doing when He gave me those beautiful blessings. Who am I to question?

Reading this book, I have come to see that it's OK if my mission field isn't in Haiti or down town Dayton. God has given me a mission field at my home. God has given me little souls to make His. I am blessed.

As I read on, the idea of IPKWs came to grow.

IPKW = Intentional, Purposeful Kingdom Work

In my home and in the lives of my children, I need to be intentional and purposeful in my pursuit to guide them to the Lord. It's OK if I am just finding my own two faith feet. We can learn together. God will guide me and what better teacher could I ask for?

I have begun to pray about my IPKWs and as the Lord guides, I will work on those Kingdom Works and once God has allowed them to come to full fruit, I will move to the next.

This is going to be hard. It's not going to be fun. Just like finding a church that is a better fit for your family, it might be met with looks of disappointment and tears BUT if you seek the Lord's guidance and yearn to walk with Him, it will be worth every minute. If we give our hearts, our lives and our homes over to the Lord, He WILL deliver.

I pray that my journey will be a light to you and that the Lord's goodness be shown...

He's Got the Whole World in His hands...

Today was tough. Maybe one of the toughest days I've had in a long time. Before getting to the hospital, I got a text from a friend who has been in Cleveland clinc undergoing surgery and procedure after procedure for cancer. She said that she was praying for me and to please text her how the surgery went so that when she woke up in a week she would know. Red flags went up! A week?!

Taryn is being placed into a medically induced coma. The doctors are baffled as to why they aren't able to treat some of the symptoms. All they can think to do is to induce the coma so that her body can rest.

I am so scared and anxious. To explain what kind of girl she is would not be possible. Words cannot express.

So for the next week, I will probably use my blog as a sounding board for my fears and someone to "listen" to as I am anxious to her from her.

I end this entry with an encounter I had today when I was getting being discharged from the hospital...

Today this little old lady walked Andy back to see me in recovery. As they walked up, I noticed that she
was holding Andy with both hands. I know that I am a bit groggy but ... she came over and whispered in my ear that she had been praying for me that morning and that I was in the palm of God's hands. She kissed me and walked away. I have joked about it today but it touched me in ways I cannot explain. Today, I know for sure that God sends angels to comfort those He loves.

As I pray for Taryn, I am sad and scared but I know how amazing she is... I cannot blame God for wanting to go another day without her by His side. So today, I pray for God's will and I pray that I have the strength and grace to accept it. Tonight I pray for the many people who love her. I pray for peace of mind and heart.

I am in love with a Savior who has the hold world - even Taryn and myself- in His hands.

Will you join me in praying for Taryn?

Day 12 - Replacing The Negative Stuff

Negative thoughts invade. I find that when I am alone with my thoughts they push their way in. Washing the dishes and humming a favorite song suddenly turns to the dark thought side.

How could I do that?

What's wrong with me?

I cannot believe I thought that. I am so stupid!

Then comes the comparing myself to others.

Photo Credit

Today I urge you to dream big and rid yourself of all those negative thoughts and self-doubts the Devil is feeding you. While you're at it, take a minute and read an old post that I wrote. It rings just as true now as it did when I wrote it. :)