He's Got the Whole World in His hands...

Today was tough. Maybe one of the toughest days I've had in a long time. Before getting to the hospital, I got a text from a friend who has been in Cleveland clinc undergoing surgery and procedure after procedure for cancer. She said that she was praying for me and to please text her how the surgery went so that when she woke up in a week she would know. Red flags went up! A week?!

Taryn is being placed into a medically induced coma. The doctors are baffled as to why they aren't able to treat some of the symptoms. All they can think to do is to induce the coma so that her body can rest.

I am so scared and anxious. To explain what kind of girl she is would not be possible. Words cannot express.

So for the next week, I will probably use my blog as a sounding board for my fears and someone to "listen" to as I am anxious to her from her.

I end this entry with an encounter I had today when I was getting being discharged from the hospital...

Today this little old lady walked Andy back to see me in recovery. As they walked up, I noticed that she
was holding Andy with both hands. I know that I am a bit groggy but ... she came over and whispered in my ear that she had been praying for me that morning and that I was in the palm of God's hands. She kissed me and walked away. I have joked about it today but it touched me in ways I cannot explain. Today, I know for sure that God sends angels to comfort those He loves.

As I pray for Taryn, I am sad and scared but I know how amazing she is... I cannot blame God for wanting to go another day without her by His side. So today, I pray for God's will and I pray that I have the strength and grace to accept it. Tonight I pray for the many people who love her. I pray for peace of mind and heart.

I am in love with a Savior who has the hold world - even Taryn and myself- in His hands.

Will you join me in praying for Taryn?

Comparison

First I'd like to once again say how much I have dearly missed all of my cyber friends. I keep coming to times in my life where writing must take a back seat to other priorities. I hope you all understand! Please leave a comment letting me know how you've been and what new happenings have, well... been happening! :)


Today I want to discuss a topic in which I have been struggling and I know other mamas, for that matter, women struggle with on a daily basis. Now if this does not pertain to you and you have this topic mastered, please comment and let me know how to arrive as well! :)


It's an ugly word.... To me, it's one of the worst words around. Satan uses it in a mighty way and often times prevails...


Comparison....

How many times a day do we compare ourselves to other women? How often do we look around and feel inadequate? 


My house is a mess! How does she have everything so clean and right in it's place?!


How does she have time to make such creative and loving dinners? I barely have time for Hamburger Helper!


She is so skinny and put together! I could be a before picture of a Jenny Craig ad!


Goodness, here she goes again with yet another talent! I haven't even mastered one!!


And then, there come the even more dangerous comparisons...


Her children are so perfect! Good grades. Good at sports! Well liked! Oh my and so well behaved! I need to get home and whip mine into shape!


Her husband is so good looking and pays so much attention to her! Wish mine could be on a I Can't Believe It's Not Butter commercial as well! 


There are so many comparisons out there and we waste so much energy comparing! 


Do you know that when compare ourselves to others and try to be like others, we are actually robbing the Lord of one of his servants? 


We are all made in His image...

"So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them." - Genesis 1:27 

God did not make us in the image of Karen the good cook down the street. He made us in His image. An image that is perfect. Perfect for God's plan....

"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." - Jeremiah 29:11

The body of Christ is made of many different parts with different functions and purposes. When we try to imitate another, we are not maintaining our function and instead imitating another's and our function is then missed out on.

Take our bodies for example... What if our nose decided it wanting to be an ear instead of a nose? We'll call nose, Ned... Well Ned the Nose didn't quite think he was good at being a nose. He's been looking over at Ernie the Ear for a bit and thought, "Wow! Ernie is so good at being an ear! I want to be like Ernie the Ear instead of like me, Ned the Nasty No good Nose!" 

We'd now have three ears and not one nose! The body would not work in the fluidity that God had programmed it and made it to be work in. Much like the body of Christ and His plan for the world would not be working as it should if we decide our function isn't good enough and try to be like someone else.

"Just as each of us has one body with many members, and these members do not all have the same function, so in Christ we who are many form one body, and each member belongs to all the others." - Romans 12:4 -5

"All these are the work of one and the same Spirit, and he gives them to each one, just as he determines. The body is a unit, though it is made up of many parts; and though all its parts are many, they form one body. So it is with Christ." - I Corinthians 12:11-12

My challenge for you over the weekend is to find yourself. Make a list of things that you like about yourself and things you'd like to improve on. Monday I'll be back with my list and how I am trying to love myself instead of trying to make me into Karen the Good Cook down the court! :)

Ecclesiastes 3:1

"For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven..."

We are entering a time of change in our home and in our family... As a control-freak, I am terrified of change. It rocks my stable world. As we enter this time, I am going to be holding tight to this verse and the promises of my Father. 

Fear Will Consume Me No Longer

It's hard to talk about. It's hard to think about. It was a life ago, yet it continually consumes most of my days.

If I talk about it, it seems real. Like it really did happen. Therefore, I stay quiet and just allow others to think what they want. It's easier than feeling and remembering the pain of yesterday. It's easier just to wear the label of slut, promiscuous teenager or whatever else others might label me as they judge me.

The ones close to me know but many people aren't allowed to get close - my own choice. Those who know, only know some. They only know what I allow them to know. It's easier. Feels safer.

I thought it was working...

But now I have come to the realization that it's not working.

It's hurting.

It's tearing me up inside and it's consuming many thoughts and much energy in which there are such greater blessings to invoke my thoughts. It domineers all of my relationships. It hurts my marriage.

Pretending it didn't happen has sabotaged so many potential friendships due to lack of trust and fear of letting someone see my tarnish. That night, when I came home and scrubbed my skin until it bled, I never really rid myself of the disgusting feeling I felt. I still carry it with me... I cannot pretend that it worked.

But... It really happened. It was hard. I was horrible. However, it made me who I am today. I am a lover and follower of Christ. I am a beloved wife and mother. I am a woman who survived.

However, I am not completely blameless in the lack of judgement and choices in which I made. It's not my fault.

I am a victim. I did not "ask for it" as I was told and I did not "bring it upon myself because I took care of myself". None of that is true. I am a victim.

Out of my greatest anguish, fear and heartache came my greatest light - a renewed relationship with my savior and a beautiful son - a reminder of God's promises. Even if you are in your darkest  hour - a dark alley with no hope in sight - the Lord is with you and if you love Him and turn to Him and His promises, He will never leave you nor forsake you. A reminder that from the dark, there is still Light.

This was my getting it out post. My vent. My searching for a way to get this out so I can claim a good night's sleep again. One without nightmares. One without fearing what tomorrow will bring. This was my silent voice - a voice of typed words on a computer screen. And while I spoke that silent voice, I must be honest and say that my vocal voice is not ready to quit pretending. I am not yet ready to stand face to face and discuss this. I'm just not there yet. I am hoping one day I might be but I cannot promise that either. It is my hope and my prayer that the Lord will one day use me and help other silent women who have endured sexual violence. 

 "He heals the brokenhearted And binds up their wounds."

 Psalm 147:3

Garden Journal - Monday, May 30

We had a great and productive weekend here around the Davis' house!

I am so relieved to announce that we have all our garden(s) in!

My favorite part of gardening is definently NOT planting. I love to weed, take care of, harvest and preserve but getting the seeds in the ground stresses me out. I think it comes from my OCD/perfectionist side. All rows must be straight and with equal distance apart. My poor husband. It is quite an interesting time putting a garden in with me. But now, all I have to do is the "work" I enjoy.

Here are some pictures for the garden journal:

My container tomato plant. Doing quite well in spite of the winds this past week.

 With the constant rain, the little sun we had caused my tomato plants to thrive. I really think they are enjoying the extremely HOT weather as well!

Hard to tell with all the green but a closer picture.

  Excited for the fruits this plant with bear!

 Side view

  side garden view

 snow peas

 shell peas

 spinach slowly growing

 kale

 cauliflower, broccoli and cabbage trying to survive the squirrels

 beautiful cabbage plant

 beautiful broccoli plant

 more cabbage and peppers awaiting planting

 delicious lettuce needing to be cut for eating

 yummy lettuce blend!

 This brand of lettuce is having a harder time getting going but has such a sweet taste. Lincoln just stands and eats it out of the container!

 Andy worked so hard to get our "new to us" tiller to run. Thanks so much hunny <3!

 Bed of garlic - almost time for harvesting! I will be drying it and dehydrating it as well as using it fresh!

 Before - bed number 2 - I am not very good about cleaning out and preparing beds for the next season in the fall. This is one area that I want to be researching and working on this year.

planting carrots and getting sun burnt! :)

  Trying to make the "perfect" row and spacing!

 Bed number 2 - after - raised bed of carrots!

 Our longer garden that you look out the kitchen sink window and see. I cannot wait to look out and see all the fruits of our labor!

 Loves that even though it's not his favorite, Andy still helps and supports me when I garden! :)

 Seeds planted in order from fence to back door (right to left)

Fence: Watermelons and Melons

(from left to right in row)

7 Crimson Sweet Watermelon

2 Golden Honey Dew

2 Escondido Gold Melon

3 Amish Melon

Row 2: Squash and Zucchini

(from left to right in row)

9 Burgess Butternut Squash 

9 Black Beauty Zucchini

Row 3: Pumpkins

(from left to right in row)

4 Connecticut Field

6 Big Max

6 Galeux d'Eysines

Row 4-5: Beets

Detroit Red

Row 6-7: Cucumbers

Double Yield

Row 8-9: Onions

Yellow of Parma

Row 10-24: Green Beans

(from left to right in row)
11 rows of Blue Lake
1 row of Blue Contender
2 rows of Ideal Market

Getting our marigolds ready to be planted in between rows and plants

 

This year, I am just jumping in (trying to plan ahead a little) but really trying new things and trying to find things that work for us. I'm not sure how some things will turn out but you never know until you give it a try!

How about you? How does your garden grow?

GratiTuesday - Miracles

For more GratiTuesday, click here!

Remember his marvellous works that he hath done, his wonders, and the judgments of his mouth..

 1 Chronicles 16:12

Do y'all know that we serve a Lord that is still in the miracle business?

What? Y'all need a good example?!? I am so glad you asked!!

As y'all know, my little bun in the oven is a little over half-baked. Well about 11 weeks ago, it was one of those mornings- you know the one where if y'all can just get down the stairs and stuff breakfast in the kids mouth, the morning might be okay? Well it was one of those mornings...

I had just walked out of my bedroom and Lincoln was screaming, wanting carried down the stairs. Dylan was already downstairs. I scooped up Lincoln, all the while hearing a voice in my head say.. "Don't do it!".

I was down to the second step and felt it... there was some kind of rolly (like my BIG words) toy (car, tractor, etc.) under my foot. That's when I felt myself fly backward.

For those of you that have not seen my home... I am going to attempt to "draw" how my stairs are...

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Okay... So that's not really a good "drawing" but I hope you get the idea... Our stairs go down (about 7 stairs) one way and down the opposite way (about 7 stairs). I slipped on the top 2nd down step. (I really hope that makes sense!)

After falling down the top flight of stairs, I felt myself hit the wall with so much force that it flipped me down the next flight. At that point, I realized I had dropped Lincoln. I freaked out! I started twisting and turning and screaming down the final set. That was NOT a good thing!

I found myself at the bottom of the stairs, unable to move. I couldn't find Lincoln, but Dylan was quickly at my side. I ordered Dylan to bring me the phone and find Lincoln. He did both without a word of backtalk (that my friends is a miracle right there!). I quickly called Andy, who works 40 minutes away and Dylan came to tell me that Lincoln was okay.

As I got off the phone with Andy, I realized that I was sitting in a puddle of fluid. Talk about freaking out!

I quickly dialed my doctor who informed me that the worst might possibly have just  happened. (Now for some of you IRL friends. I know you don't like my doctor, I just had to add that info... ) She informed to that I was to come straight to her office and not go to the hospital. In the meantime, Andy had called my father-in-law and he had shown up, found Lincoln was fine and was looking at me as if saying, no pleading.. "please, please don't ask me to come near you... ". It's actually quite funny now but at the time, it was horrible.

When the call with the doctor ended, I have NEVER heard such a sound as came from my heart. It was a sound of anger, sadness, heart-breaking urging and yearning with God. It scared me. I didn't know where it came from...

Andy finally came in and loaded me in the car. As we drove to the doctor, I can't even begin to tell you the bargains I began making with God. Praying that he would spare the little life inside of me. BEGGING!

After checking and an ultrasound, it was deemed a miracle by me. My doctor, not so much. She had some crazy scientific "maybe" explanation.

Now... Did I pee myself? Did I break something? It's all speculation. Right now the doctor is saying that I had an extra sac of water that ruptured...

Want to know how I feel? The Lord was with me. He saved my life, Lincoln's life and my unborn son's life.

TO GOD BE THE GLORY! I don't need science to explain because I know my Heavenly Father is still today, this very day in the miracle business...

A Struggle..

I have a battle with this phase in my life and my blog waging in my mind. My blog is a blog that is to provide encouragement and love to those who are dealing with PCOS.

I know when we were trying to get pregnant this time, every time I read a blog in which the writer became pregnant, I would get mad and stop reading it. "Why is this happening for them and not me?"

I do not want this to be the case with my blog. I want you to know that I have and am still  fighting the battle PCOS and I understand. I don't know whether to just say that I am not going to write about my pregnancy or risk upsetting people that I have grown to care about. Any ideas? Any suggestions? Any pointers?

I would love to write about the steps I took towards conceiving but is that just rubbing salt in the wounds you are carrying? Once again, please let me know...

With the end of this little blubber of words, I will go against all my feelings and show you a picture of the "baby". Keep in mind that the ultrasound picture was taken about five weeks ago. So I am a little further along but man oh man am I big!

Jesus looked at them and said, "With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible."

Matthew 19:26

Random Thoughts About Infertility/Miscarriage/Wanting a Large Family

Where have I been you might ask... Well go ahead and ask!

I have been in a horrible, terrible, no-good, very bad attitude of late. I have been hiding. I barely want to be around myself so therefore, I conclude that others probably don't want to listen to me either. But who knows, maybe there is someone who loves a negative, irritated friend? If that's you, please forgive my absence! :)

Anyway, just a quick disclaimer. If you are looking for a light-hearted, go-lucky post, this is not the one today. Stop reading and come back with the RSS feeder indicates I have written a new post..

As many of you know, I recently had my 7th miscarriage. Now please don't start the "oh my, how terrible thoughts." I know this sounds cold, but I am getting used to it. Doesn't that sound cold and horrible?

Well here are some of my random thoughts about it:

• I know that God can do amazing things.. Just take a look at two of my best friends, Courtney and Misty. It has been incredible to see the Lord work and now they are both pregnant. Just looking at them I should know He can make it happen.
• I was talking to my friend Tanya a couple of nights ago and she gave me a new prespective. It sounds a little morbid and wacked but it gives me a little comfort. The Lord has given me the special job of being a vessel to get seven precious babies straight to Him. They are in the best hands of all.
• I keep thinking if I could just be pregnant one more time and relish in being pregnant, I would never ask for anything. As I was sitting here thinking about that, I began to think about how I should be relishing and delighting in Lincoln and Dylan because they could be my last. Why am I wasting the precious seasons of the boy's lives wishing for another? Pretty messed up Jodi, pretty messed up.
• If  two boys is the number for our family, I will do the best by them I can.
• One day, after reciting and telling myself all these things, I will believe them whole heartedly and not question the Lord's plan for my family. One day I pray that my will lines up with His. Until then, I will just fake it until I make it.

"There is hope for your future" declares the LORD.

Jeremiah 31:17

Gratituesday: Just What I Needed

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This past weekend was just what I needed. It was relaxing... It was resting... It was a total gift from God.

Friday night, we went over to a game night at a friend's home. It is not normally something we would do but we decided to go anyway. Early that day when I found out this event was happening, I contacted my cousin and she was available to watch our kids ( I am totally weird about who watches my kids but that is a whole different post!).

I fed the kids and Catie came in. Andy and I snuck (is that a word?) off for a dinner date at Panera Bread. We sat and we chatted. We relaxed. And most important, we got on the same page. It was great!

We then went to the game night. It was a lot of fun. We enjoyed getting to meet knew people and play games. We stayed for a while and then headed home. We came home to an quiet house. The boys were asleep!

After a good night's sleep, we all got up gradually and had a yummy huge breakfast. This was the first Saturday in a while that we didn't have to rush off to basketball. After lounging around, we ran a few errands. We decided to have my aunt and uncle over for dinner to eat, play games and let our boys watch the Kids Choice Awards together. Once again, another great evening!

Sunday morning we went to church and praised and worshipped. It was a great service. After, we went to my Grandmother's for family lunch and then home for Sunday rest time.

That evening we went to see the African Children's Choir at our church. It was a great experience! The boys loved and it, as well as Andy and I! Then we went home and had dinner and began to prepare for the week.

God's love and His attention in the details is just amazing to me. He knew the relaxation and rest that I needed and He provided.

We are truly blessed and grateful around here! Have a story of gratitude or just want to read more -- click here!

It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year

Do you know what I am actually good at and REALLY enjoy? Gardening and perserving our food through the summer.

It's hard to believe that it is time to start prepping already, but it is!

I am going to spend a lot of time bringing you ideas that have helped me in various areas of my adventure in gardening and being a good steward of what the Lord gives us from it.

Join me in discussing these five areas:

Preparing: Your home, Your kitchen and Your garden for the planting.

Gardening: All the tips and tricks I have learned.

Harvesting: What's worked for me and my family?

Giving: In my personal opinion, the most important part of the garden.

Preserving: We are going to be trying some new things as well as sharing same old family tricks and secrets.

Come on back and learn some of the joys and defeats of growing your own food!

Women Blessing Women: Including

Don’t just pretend to love others. Really love them. Hate what is wrong. Hold tightly to what is good. Love each other with genuine affection, and take delight in honoring each other. Never be lazy, but work hard and serve the Lord enthusiastically. Rejoice in our confident hope. Be patient in trouble, and keep on praying.  When God’s people are in need, be ready to help them. Always be eager to practice hospitality.

Romans 12:9-13

Do you know what an open and closed circle in communication means?

I did not know until a seminar this weekend at our church...

Have you ever walked up to a group of people in a circle and it was just hard to get included?

Have you ever looked around and saw groups of people who have similar circumstances and interests in one group and then another in a different part of the room?

Have you ever felt like the "odd man out"?

I know I have and I know that I have at church a lot of times at church...

Church is the one place that where everyone should be welcomed, loved and accepted. However, some times it just does not feel that way.

It breaks my heart to see a new face in the room searching for someone to reach out and the circles are formed and closed.

One easy way to bless other women is to include them and when you include them, listen to them. I know the Lord has truly equipped you!

So what do you say? This week when you walk through the church doors, I challenge you to look around for a new face and encourage them and make them feel special and like they belong. That will really be a woman blessing women!

Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you.

Ephesians 4:32

It's 3 o'clock!?!?

Good afternoon! :)

A quick Howdy-do! I just wanted to pop in and let y'all know of a few things going on around this part!

For the past few weeks, I have been trying to grow my blogging audience by many (I thought it was the Lord's direction.) and after a little bit of a failed attempt, I had another meeting with the CEO of Creation (aka God).

I feel Him pointing me in a new direction. I am going to continue bloggging and posting the series Women Blessing Women but I am not going to be as fervent and determined as I once was.

My focus is going to shift to those already in my life (family, friends, church) and those who already read my blog. And I bet if I miss a day of writing, y'all will forgive me.

Instead I am going to focus on more indepth and personal posts, getting my house together, finishing out the school year with a bang, getting ready for our church bazaar and the three last but in my book the most important things are: finding myself and new hobbies which I enjoy, spending time with my kids that are getting way too big way too quick, and growing a deeper relationship with my Father. (Wow! What a run-on sentence! sorry... )

I have to be completely honest with you. I have been searching desperately for the direction the Lord wants me to go and I thought it was this blog. I thought it was writing and ministering to you wonderful readers. But after much prayer and acutally listening, I feel the Lord leading me away from this. I feel Him telling me that I need to work on IRL relationships. I feel Him telling me to quit hiding in a land where others can only read my words and I'm "safe".

You see, I have been hiding. It is so easy to minister and open up to a group of people that don't see your face and that you don't have to see them. I am hiding behind a computer. It is time that I get out in my community and tell others about Jesus and myself. It is time that I put myself out there and try to let others in. It's just time.

And while I really feel this pushing from the Lord, I will still be checking in and updating y'all on the crazy adventures in motherhood and finding myself that I get into.

 Please be in prayer for me as I search for myself and open up to people that I do see. Pray that I have the courage and the faith...

Blessings dear friends!

Proud to be His Sister

Now I know this may open a can of worms and make some stop reading my blog. That is a chance I am willing today.

If you haven't read the beginning of my son, Dylan's birth story or my decision to follow Christ, please do so.

If you cannot tell, abortion is something that I feel a passion AGAINST! My whole adult life (from as young as 19 yo) has been in complete refute of abortion.

I cannot tell you how many times I heard and I am still hearing that I should have had an abortion. How can you even stand to look at him? Isn't he just a reminder? Doesn't it hurt?

My answers answered with questions:

• How can I not look at him? He is beautiful. He is part of me and in my opinion, his other half is the Lord's. How could he not be? He is amazing. He is all I yearn to be. He has changed lives.
• How could I not be glad that he is a reminder? He is NOT a reminder of being violated but a reminder of my transformation into a Christ-follower, mother, wife and friend. Dylan saved my life. God used him in a way that no one else could. He is a reminder that God is always good and faithful even when we don't understand. He is a reminder that God shows love and mercy in a physical form. He is a wonderful reminder...
• Doesn't it hurt? Somedays... but not like you'd think. I don't hurt about what happend that much anymore, I hurt for those who made the choice to terminate pregnancy. I yearn to hold them and pray with them. I know they hurt also... I know they hurt more.

With all that being said... Today I want to proclaim how proud I am to be Dylan's mother and sister in Christ, but also Tim Tebow's. What an incredible story. What an incredible young man to stand against many people to proclaim what he believes. I am proud to be his sister in Christ.

Today I ask you... Would you stand for what you believed in even if it meant losing friends or fans or blog readers?

And today I can tell you.. Yes I will stand for what I believe in and for what is good and right in God's eyes. I will stand!

GratiTuesday: Upward

I just L.O.V.E. GratiTuesday! I love the schedule time that I weekly sit down and think of just all that I have to be thankful for. I often have such a hard time picking what I am going to share with y'all. Isn't GratiTuesday just a blessing? Laura is definently a woman blessing other women!

This week I just want to praise the Lord and tell him how grateful I am for blessing our first Upward basketball game.

I feel am so grateful that God found me worthy to coach and witness to these young souls.

I am already learning so much from these sweet little souls.

I am so grateful that their little hearts are so innocent and they yearn to learn about the Lord.

I am grateful that the Lord equipped me to teach them about Him and even a little bball.

What are you grateful for today? We serve an AWESOME God, don't we?!?
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*This is linked to GratiTuesday.