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Sunday, January 24, 2010

Lord, You're All I've Got...



Many of you  have been following my posts on my son, Dylan's, birth. If you have been following you will hear some of this for a second time.

I grew up in church. I knew church. I grew up in church and knew all about how I should live and how I should have a relationship with Jesus. I knew... I knew what was expected of me. I knew that "becoming a christian" was the next step. I knew...

Sometimes knowing and really knowing are different. Sometimes knowing that your parents have a relationship with Jesus and knowing how they believe and feel are just enough to sustain you through your childhood. You think Mom and Dad know everything. (Don't they?) You mirror them and look up to them.

And sometimes, scratch that, a lot of times when you hit high school and college, when you run into "real life" (aka enticing sin-- my definition), you don't know why you believe those things, especially when you just want to fit in. You just want people to understand you and to like you. Sometimes the faith of your family takes a backseat.

That is what happened in my life. I thought I had a relationship with Jesus but in all actuality, I just had the faith of my parents. I had not made my own commitment and I had not made my faith my own. I had not sought after Jesus or what He wants for our lives. I had never studied or questioned or wondered everthing.

I got caught up in real life. I got caught up in the life of sin. I got caught up in the life of trying to find people who I thought I mattered a lot to. I got caught up in all the wrong things. I just got caught up...

And guess what.....

I got caught up in being caught up. The life I was living brought on many hard times. I found myself pregnant. I found myself all alone. I found myself with questions. I found myself...

While finding myself, I found God. I found God loved me regardless. I found God forgave me. I found God wanted me. I found God loved me. I found God wanted me and wanted a relationship with Him. I found God...

On Sunday, November 6th, 2005 I broke. I had no where to turn. I had no where to go to but the alter was calling me. I needed it and He wanted me... He was waiting there for me at the alter. I remember actually running to it. I remember actually laying on it. I remember actually sobbing on it. I remember the peace I felt, the embrace of my Jesus. He was waiting there to love me and for me to love Him back.

I am not going to lie and say from that moment on, I was perfect. I am not going to lie and say from that moment, I stopped sinning. I am not going to lie and say from that moment on, it was a 180 degree turn around. I am not going to lie. But I can tell you that Jesus stole my heart. He was all I had. He was what I wanted. He wanted and loved and yearned for me. I was home in His arms. I was His...

I had my son, Dylan and I continued to live for Jesus. I met my husband and we have a family that we are raising to love and know Jesus. I am blessed.

As my children grow up, it is very important to me that my husband and I stress just important it is for our children to find their relationship with Jesus. It is important to me that they find their own faith. It is important to me that they see just how much Jesus means to me....

He is so important....

7 comments:

Adventure Mom Janna said...

Yes, finding His saving grace is wonderful b/c we get to have an amazing relationship with Him! It's so nice to know that he first loved us and gave Himself for us.

Did you design your own blog?

Carrie Smyth said...

Thanks for sharing your heart. God is so good!

Trusting In His Holy Name said...

Wow! Thanks for sharing!

Jenna said...

Praise the Lord for your testimony! Thanks for sharing.

Jen said...

You and I are alike in SO many different ways. Head on over to my blog and read my post. Have a great day!!

hallee@halleethehomemaker.com said...

What a beautiful story.

Forever Neighbor said...

Wow! What a great, and moving post!!