Wednesday, April 27, 2011

Don't Be Mistaken

About a month ago I was asked to be a speaker at our local Women's Center - Walk for Life. I felt it such a great honor to be asked. I feel with the Lord's help, I have come so far. I have a story and I want to share.

Never in my wildest dreams, I did I think it would drag so much up. Not on my end per say but on others. I had truly thought we'd gotten past this.

I feel like I have been given a great gift, a gift of understanding. I have walked through the fire of judgment. I have felt the snare of others. It hurts. Having gone through that, I would hope that I will not be that way towards another.

I want to make myself clear on one note. Make NO mistake that I didn't and don't feel your judgment. Just because I say nothing and don't retaliate does not mean it doesn't hurt.

Back then, I thought I deserved it. I thought it was retribution for my sins. Now that I've grown up and grown in my faith, I now know treating anyone like this is just wrong. I didn't deserve it, nor do others.

When you judge someone, don't be under the misconception that they don't feel it by the way you don't acknowledge them or "guide" them with spiritual condemnation. They feel it and they know it.

Trust me, I as well as others - I'm sure, have condemned ourselves. We praise a Merciful and Forgiving Father. I can assure you that His forgiveness is much easier to come by than our own.

Make no mistake. We have all sinned. Some sins are more evident and out in the open than others.

So please, keep your judgments and your Scarlet Letters and throw no stone until the plank is pulled from your own...

“Judge not, that you be not judged. For with the judgment you pronounce you will be judged, and with the measure you use it will be measured to you. Why do you see the speck that is in your brother's eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when there is the log in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother's eye." 

Matthew 7:1-5

Monday, April 4, 2011

Without The Lord

Tonight I sit here and ponder a verse that I found when I went searching for one to bring me "comfort". I'm tired. I'm overwhelmed. I'm sick from exhaustion. I'm proud of my "through thick and thin" family.

I am... I am... I am..

Mostly, I am just trying to process.

Death is a sad, scary thing to have to deal with, even if you know it's coming, even been coming.

Tonight, I sit here and lament for those who do not know the Lord. How depressing it must be to believe when this sad, painful life is over, there is no rejoicing with our Father.

Today's service was a very uplifting service. She would have wanted that. Andy rewrote a song of her's to make it more lively and rejoicing. As he and Todd sang it, I felt her presence, right along with the Lord. I felt Him smile.

As I looked towards the front at one woman in my life gone, I looked to the side of me to see another that I am slowly losing. Alzheimers.... Some days she remembers me, some days she spits at me. It's so hard.

I couldn't help but cry today when LeeAnn sang "Going Home" by the Gaithers and I listened as Grandma sang along. A beautiful heavenly voice... For a second, I caught a glimpse of the woman who means so much to me. But it was just a glimpse.

Tonight - I weep. I weep for what has been taken from me - a great-grandmother; a grandmother whose body still roams the earth but whose mind slowly fades... Tonight, I pity myself for those I will miss. BUT tomorrow, I rejoice for no more suffering. Tomorrow, I rejoice for the little glimpses and memories I can make with her. Tomorrow I rejoice...
"Weeping may remain for a night, but rejoicing comes in the morning." -Psalm 30:5