Friday, April 9, 2010

Random Thoughts About Infertility/Miscarriage/Wanting a Large Family

Where have I been you might ask... Well go ahead and ask!

I have been in a horrible, terrible, no-good, very bad attitude of late. I have been hiding. I barely want to be around myself so therefore, I conclude that others probably don't want to listen to me either. But who knows, maybe there is someone who loves a negative, irritated friend? If that's you, please forgive my absence! :)

Anyway, just a quick disclaimer. If you are looking for a light-hearted, go-lucky post, this is not the one today. Stop reading and come back with the RSS feeder indicates I have written a new post..

As many of you know, I recently had my 7th miscarriage. Now please don't start the "oh my, how terrible thoughts." I know this sounds cold, but I am getting used to it. Doesn't that sound cold and horrible?

Well here are some of my random thoughts about it:
  • I know that God can do amazing things.. Just take a look at two of my best friends, Courtney and Misty. It has been incredible to see the Lord work and now they are both pregnant. Just looking at them I should know He can make it happen.
  • I was talking to my friend Tanya a couple of nights ago and she gave me a new prespective. It sounds a little morbid and wacked but it gives me a little comfort. The Lord has given me the special job of being a vessel to get seven precious babies straight to Him. They are in the best hands of all.
  • I keep thinking if I could just be pregnant one more time and relish in being pregnant, I would never ask for anything. As I was sitting here thinking about that, I began to think about how I should be relishing and delighting in Lincoln and Dylan because they could be my last. Why am I wasting the precious seasons of the boy's lives wishing for another? Pretty messed up Jodi, pretty messed up.
  • If  two boys is the number for our family, I will do the best by them I can.
  • One day, after reciting and telling myself all these things, I will believe them whole heartedly and not question the Lord's plan for my family. One day I pray that my will lines up with His. Until then, I will just fake it until I make it.
"There is hope for your future" declares the LORD.
Jeremiah 31:17


MrsKBJ said...

Sounds like a little ladies night is due for you. Hope you can join us at the fondue party! I didnt know you were pregnant. Sorry it was another MC. You are in my thoughts and prayers! I know it is hard not to worry/ stress, but please try not to. I truely believe when/if the time is right things happen. Your body knows if you are stressed and things dont work right then.

Anonymous said...

What Tanya says if very true what an awesome vessel you are Jodi! I didn't realize you were pregnant either. Not sure when all this happened but I do apologize for asking so casual how things were going with you :(


momstheword said...

(((Jodi))) I am sorry to hear that you've been going through a difficult time.

You are right, one day you will believe the things that you are telling yourself now.

We tell ourselves the things we need to hear in order to keep going, and to keep believing in His plans for us, even when the way is rough and we're hurting and we don't like it.

His promises remind us that there is more out there beyond our hurt.

Janet said...

I'm so sorry you are going through such a difficult time right now. I can't pretend to know how you are feeling right now and there are no words to make you feel better. I do know what it's like to not have the number of children you long for though. I keep telling myself, God will give me peace with what I have or provide the way to increase our family. He loves us...loves you and only wants what is best for you. I will pray you feel His comfort and remember His promises as you go forward on this journey.