I have been in a horrible, terrible, no-good, very bad attitude of late. I have been hiding. I barely want to be around myself so therefore, I conclude that others probably don't want to listen to me either. But who knows, maybe there is someone who loves a negative, irritated friend? If that's you, please forgive my absence! :)
Anyway, just a quick disclaimer. If you are looking for a light-hearted, go-lucky post, this is not the one today. Stop reading and come back with the RSS feeder indicates I have written a new post..
As many of you know, I recently had my 7th miscarriage. Now please don't start the "oh my, how terrible thoughts." I know this sounds cold, but I am getting used to it. Doesn't that sound cold and horrible?
Well here are some of my random thoughts about it:
- I know that God can do amazing things.. Just take a look at two of my best friends, Courtney and Misty. It has been incredible to see the Lord work and now they are both pregnant. Just looking at them I should know He can make it happen.
- I was talking to my friend Tanya a couple of nights ago and she gave me a new prespective. It sounds a little morbid and wacked but it gives me a little comfort. The Lord has given me the special job of being a vessel to get seven precious babies straight to Him. They are in the best hands of all.
- I keep thinking if I could just be pregnant one more time and relish in being pregnant, I would never ask for anything. As I was sitting here thinking about that, I began to think about how I should be relishing and delighting in Lincoln and Dylan because they could be my last. Why am I wasting the precious seasons of the boy's lives wishing for another? Pretty messed up Jodi, pretty messed up.
- If two boys is the number for our family, I will do the best by them I can.
- One day, after reciting and telling myself all these things, I will believe them whole heartedly and not question the Lord's plan for my family. One day I pray that my will lines up with His. Until then, I will just fake it until I make it.
"There is hope for your future" declares the LORD.