I have been up for hours.
I have been thinking for hours.
There have been many situations that presented themselves this weekend. Situations in which I made the wrong choices. Situations in which I let my insecurities and the devil interfere in what I should have done.
I have been beating myself up for hours about how I made choices in which I am not proud. But I know just as the insecurities that are flooding me right now, this unmerciful beating I am giving myself is not from the Lord.
I sought His forgiveness and once again, He delivered. It is I that cannot forgive myself. As I sit here and delve into His word, I am comforted that He knows me.
Yes there are many things I need to work on. I yearn to love others as He loves me and them. I yearn to show compassion and understanding. I yearn to reach out and comfort.
Though I am not prone to those feelings, with His help and guidance I can bring them to fruit. But the key is to not beat myself up when I fail. I will continue pressing ahead.
So.... Next time....
When a hurting heart is before me, instead of listening to the thoughts others have placed in my head, I will reach out.
When my kids are rowdy and not listening, I will choose grace and love.
When a mama reaches out and tries to get to know me, I will pull out a chair and welcome her instead of being scared.
When a friend isn't who I thought they were and hurts me, I will continue to love them and try to get to know them.
I will smile more.
I will look people in the eyes when they talk to me instead of being nervous and look away.
I will try to hug more.
I will be more patient with myself and my husband.
I will reach out.
I will worry less about what others think of me and if they like me and instead will be more concerned if He is seen in me.
I will focus on my relationship with the Lord, my marriage, raising little souls for Him and our haven before I concern myself with outside affairs.
I will do my best and let the rest go.
I will stop beating myself up.
I will see myself as the daughter of the Most High King.
I am His...