Half-Way Through...

So we are half-way through our "get back on the horse" day and things are just not turning out as they should.

Now let me tell you, this is hard to put into print, especially since so much of my family and friends read this blog...I am not perfect or close to being...

I have failed in my goals. Today just has not turned out... I have gotten nothing but two loads of laundry folded, a load in the washer, the dishwasher ran, emptied, and ran again, and a lot of anger on my part.

I feel horrible. I just should not be this frustrated with my kids, but I am. How am I going to home school? Am I going to fail? I can't stand failing!!

How the day has unfolded...
9 A- get started with my day, feeling semi-productive

10A- Dylan dumps a big of popcorn on the baby's head. I am rushing to clean it up before Lincoln chokes. While I am cleaning it, Dylan decides he's not getting enough attention and starts banging his head on the ceramic tile floor. On about the fifth time of my saying, "Dylan please stop, Mama will be done soon." He bashes his nose... Blood is pouring at this point. He is screaming, the baby is in the popcorn that I dropped again as I am running to get the blood to stop oozzing....Two hours later his nose is no longer running like a faucet.

12P- I make lunch and set Dylan down to eat. He has not been eating good for weeks and I know it is a phase but my husband is starting to get worried and upset. So I force him to eat. Almost done he decides to spit a mouth full of spaghetti at me. Here's where it gets the ugliest. I have never wanted to discipline a child out of anger like I did at that moment. My blood was hot!! I did not beat him, but I was not very kind at all either.

The rest of the afternoon he just picked on people and now he is just in bed. Why question is... When does a good intentioned day go bad? Is it too late to start fresh when the boys get up from nap time? Why do I treat my child like an adult when I am not adult enough to not act like a child? Will I ever get my act together and be the mother that the Almighty has called me to be? Will I ever be good enough? Please my wise older mothers who read this, give me something... So as I finish this, I have decided to go and ask God for forgiveness. Then I am going to read a little bit and get some things picked up for this mornings fiasco. When the boys wake up, I am going to grab them in big hugs and begin my plan for today all over again. Because let it be said, that with my Sweet Jesus' help, we will make better memories than this morning. Now go hug your babies and make sweet memories...