I am lying here watching my kids play. We have like 500 toys, NO JOKE! Would you like to guess at what the are playing with the most?
2 BOXES and 2 EMPTY MILK JUGS!
It hit me just then, why do I bother buying my kids all these huge gifts? Why do I even sit and stress over were the money for Christmas is going to come from to buy the boys gifts I want them to have? Why do we have so many toys anyway?!?
This year we are keeping a close eye on where our money is going. We are still blessed with my husband having a job, but I just have this nagging feeling that you never know anymore if you will have a job tomorrow.
We live in Dayton where most jobs come from GM and Delphi- two major factories that have closed down. Companies are pulling out and moving to other parts of the country. Our community is struggling. I pray for all of my family and friends without income right now. I pray that God takes control over our economy and it begins to look up.
So back to my original questions. Why do I feel that my kids should have every toy that their little hearts desire and don't desire?
The answer is I want my boys to have everything out there. I want my kids to have everything they want. I want my kids to be happy. I want my kids to like me. I want... I want.. I want...
When it boils down to it, it comes down to me. I think my kids deserve so much. My kids struggle with contentment because of me. Not only do I want my kids to have everything, I want to have everything. I want everything for us instantly. It boils down to me and my discontentment.
I have heard it said that anything worth having comes from work. (Umm... I paraphrased...:))
I want my family to be healthy, but I do not want to take the time to make good, healthy, nutritious foods. I give in a buy the horribly over-processed foods that seem easy and quick. Eating this horrible food at home is still better than eating out, right? Yes, eating horribly processed foods are better than eating out, but is that really the point?!? I should be preparing good foods for my family all the time and feel blessed that I have the resources and ability to.
I want my marriage to be incredible, but I don't want to take the time to communicate with my husband. I want him to read my mind (men should be able to do that right!?). I want to sleep not be bothered. I want to have MY alone time, not OUR alone time. Is that really thinking of my husband first?
I want my home to be well-kept (not perfect, but well-kept). Why can't we just hire a maid?!? I'm tired, the boys make more messes than I can keep out with. I am trying to preserve all this food for my family. I am trying to make Christmas gifts... I am... I am.. I shouldn't have.. I'm tired... The excuses continue to fall. I can justify just about anything... Is this really the heart of a the woman and homemaker I want to be and I know that God wants me to be?
I want to be debt free! But after all the daily doings, don't I deserve to be taken out to eat? Don't I deserve a day off to go to Target or the Mall? Don't I deserve?
Too many times I often think I deserve so much more. This was not my "life-plan". Then it hits me. I don't deserve anything. I have been blessed so much more than I deserve. All of these things I get agitated with, I actually have been blessed with and love doing. Who am I to think that God has given my a raw deal? God gave his son for my selfish, sinning self. He has given more than I would ever consider. He has given me far more than I deserve.
I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through him who gives me strength.
So even though this has gotten way off topic. My question for you today is... Are you content? Do you see all the blessings you have been given? What can we do to be more appreciative of our blessings?
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