All of us already know that I am crazy, BUT I cannot be the only one that does this...
Does anyone else converse with themselves as they are cleaning toilets?
And I just have to warn you that today, while cleaning the toilets, I had some serious conversations... Be warned these are a couple of random thoughts, but they are deep and a little serious... (Isn't a little weird that I am having serious, "grown-up" thoughts while I'm cleaning toilets? Hmm.. Thought provoking... )
And let me just state this one more time for the record: This is my personal blog. My thoughts, my passions, my ramblings... If you read this and are offended, I am sorry. It is not my intention at all. I am only the Messenger for the King of Kings and the Lord of Lords. Here I go...
Random Thought at the Toilet Number 1:
Around this time of year, every year, I begin to get anxious due to the fact that a certain family event is coming up. This week, that family event if happening...And at the risk of sounding like a hormonal, whinny teenager, I want to share with you my feelings about it...
It all goes back to summer about 7 years ago. My family was at another member's house and some family from out of town came and were there too. I had friend with me and she was very pretty and my male cousin was interested in her. They went out for a little bit and a little while afterward she called and told me, "Jodi, your cousin says that his whole family hates you and only puts up with you because your family and they PRETEND they like you, but they really don't..."
First of all, I had no idea that these were the feelings. I had always loved my family, everyone in my family, but I do know that family can get annoying. But never in a million years, did I think they were pretending to even stand me. Second, as I look back, I cannot believe that friend felt it necessary to call me and tell me all this.
Now I chalk it up to being a teenager and all that, but it still haunts me. I know that back then I was not a nice person and did some really silly things, but I still worry that they aren't giving me a chance to see that I have changed. Now I have to be honest... I take things a little personally but I still feel this insecurity everytime I have to be around them. And this weekend would happen to be the weekend.... Can anyone say silly anxiety?
Random Thought at the Toilet Number 2:
I love following Laura's blog. She is such an awesome mother, wife, believer, cook, money savor... and the list goes on and on and on... (I am writing this at the risk of being really annoying. I know it won't annoy her because she is such a super sweet person and I am blessed to call her a friend! If your reading this... You bless me Laura, really you do!)
Ugh and what's worse is she is writing about how she is just a normal mom like everyone else, "a real mom"!
Seriously, Jodi... Comparing much?!? Wishing you were better much? Coveting much? Jealous much?
Ummm... Get a grip girl!!
A couple of weeks ago, I was complaining (scratch that... whinning) to a friend on facebook (I am not brave enough to do it in person....) I was going on and on about what was wrong with me and my life and what I did not have that I wanted (Thanks for still loving me!). Gently my friend, who is struggling in her own life, said "Jodi, do you know how many times I wished I were you?" Do you know how many times I thought "Jodi's got it together and everything I want..."
That really took me back...Do people really look at me and see someone that has it all and all together?
I know that I am no where NEAR having it all together but isn't that just the same as I am doing with Laura? Aren't I looking at what I perceive she is and has and then wishing myself more? Isn't that just as crazy?
In Genesis 1, the Bible tells us that "God made us in His image." He made us like him. If we truly believe in His awesomeness, shouldn't we quit being so hard on ourselves?
God loved us so much that He sent His only son to die for our sins. Isn't that the love we should be meditating on? Does God love us any less if we have laundry stacked up or the kitchen table isn't cleared? NO WAY! His love and goodness surpasses all those little things which in the long run, have little importance.
Does it matter that my family may or may not hate me and not like being around me? It surely does hurt, but it really shouldn't matter as much as it does. God loves me! God has forgiven me. That is the truth that should be the end all, be all of the moment.
Then why do we compare and put so much pressure on ourselves? Why do we expect such mighty things from ourselves? Why do we try to please people and not just the Lord? Why is it so important for everyone to like us? Not even everyone liked Jesus, the most compassionate, perfect person EVER!
So please... (and I'm sayin' this to myself too) can we please stop comparing ourselves as mothers and stop trying to please everyone? Love yourself for the person God made you and loves! Give yourself a little break and quit beingso hard on yourself!
Just keepin' it real,
1 comment:
I so hear you on the silly anxieties with family stemming back eons AND on wishing you were more like Laura. Seriously, the woman is amazing!
Know what though? It's glaringly obvious that even though you don't have it all together(who does?!)you are doing EXACTLY what you ought to be. You are sensitive to the Holy Spirit's leading in your life, you are striving to be a godly wife/mama/friend and you are teachable. What amazing commendable qualities!! A beautiful *real* woman inside and out. I love you, my friend.
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